No Place Like Home....s

Hey! I'm gonna blog.

Lots of things have happened since I blogged last. Here's a one sentence synopsis: We moved to a new house, had visitors for a month, visited America, then another visitor.

To get the ol' bloggin ball a rollin again, I thought I'd do a Britland vs "The States" list. See, there were a lot of things we were looking forward to in America. Space, fountain drinks, space, food, space, oh, and friends and family... Once we got there, though, I was looking forward to some of the Britishy things I'd left behind. So here they are, all organizationally layed out for you and whatnot!

God Bless American...

* fountain drinks * road space * Mexican food * mountains *

smoke-free beaches with sunshine * boating * junk food * hot dogs

* campfires * Old Navy * friends & family * country music *

exchange-rate making everything on sale for us people who are paid in pounds *

campfires * lack of inhibition * Slurpees and SnoCones *

Reeses anything * stores that stay open past 5:00 pm * SUVs and pickups *

weaponry (pocketknives, bb guns, etc) *

Good Old Britishy...

* roundabouts * cheese * chocolate * Indian food * public transportation *

accents * politeness * wellies * rain on the conservatory roof *

markets * healthy eating * spunky old ladies * friends *

international holiday destinations * history * villages * London

* Caramel Digestives * teapots * Lush bath ballistics * footpaths * countryside *

Primark * double-decker busses * the kids saying Britishy phrases *

overall Britishy-ness *

It looked all cute and in different fonts and sizes, but then it all went away, because sometimes blogger hates me. Enjoy anyway!

Remember Us?

Yeah, that's okay. It's been a while. Life got busy, then busier, then there was too much to catch you all up on, and more busy, some more procrastinating, more procrastinating, and now this snowball of excuses that could have just been summed up by saying life happens. I've been blogging to you all in my mind. You didn't see those posts? Ah, well, moving on...

I can't catch you up completely, so let's review briefly some things we've learned.

Britishy Halloween

Britishy Halloween is not the same holiday as American Halloween.

In America, our brand new country with very little frightening history, Halloween is a time when kids dress up in costumes as princesses or superheroes and everyone gives them candy. Older kids go to "haunted houses" and get startled, we carve pumpkins, go on hay rides, and we all have good clean spooky fun.

In Britland, an ancient country with a past full of druids and churches and witchcraft and starving peasants, Halloween is a time to celebrate evil and real live scariness. Not for everyone, but it has a seriousness to it I have never even considered before. Here are some examples of our experiences with this:

Cap'n Jack, our 7 yr old, goes to a Church of England Primary school. During Religious Education class one day they asked the kids to tell them some activities we might do in a church. Jimmy D and I were frantically organizing the Halloween party (the American kind of Halloween) for our church at the time, so Cap'n Jack shot his hand up and said "Halloween parties!!". I think his teacher might have passed out. After regaining consciousness, eye twitching and gripping a crucifix, she shakily but firmly said, "No. We do NOT have Halloween parties at churches."

I was going to physio (physical therapy) in October. While stretching my leg all sorts of ways I don't think it was meant to go, my eccentric elderly therapist likes to chat. The week of Halloween she asked what I'd been up to. I told her I'd been busy organizing the Halloween party at my church and told her a bit about what we had planned. (Trick-or-treating to cars in the car park, games, pie bake-off, etc.)

She looked very grim and said, "I hate Halloween." (bending my leg farther) "I think it's horrid to see the children running up to my door. It all goes back to the time when people didn't know if they were going to survive the winter, you see." (yanking my leg behind my head and over my shoulder) "They would go door to door looking for food to get them through. I don't agree with children celebrating a holiday about who's going to survive and who will die." (now ripping my leg off and throwing it out the window) "But... I buy a bag of Mars bars and just hand those out instead of telling them all this. It's just easier that way."

Ahhh, Halloween. I'll never look at you the same again. But I'll still dress up and get candy all the same, and hang on to my innocent, naive way of celebrating.

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Look at that face! Is that the face of pure evil or what!?

Evil clown, Scary Fairy, and under his sweatshirt is a skeleton. We had to scary up the costumes to make them Britishy Halloween costumes.

Me painting faces at the controversial church Halloween party. Admittedly, most of the boys asked for bloody scars, but still...

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Parental Visit!!

My parents came to visit during the last 2 weeks of November! Yay! It went by so fast! We went in to London a few times, hit the Portobello Road Market, road tripped to Bath and Wales, had Thanksgiving, went to Leeds Castle, and let my Dad try driving on the left side of the road from the right side of the car. It was pretty freezing while they were here, and there's not much daylight this time of year to sight see by, but it was fun anyway! The kids had fun seeing Granny V and Grampa T. They hadn't seen Sunshine in almost a year, so she was a whole new person for them to meet. She kept calling my dad Grama. He didn't seem to mind.

My Dad liked seeing England through the lives of residents, instead of just a tourist in hotels. He might have been saying this to make us feel better about the lack of sightseeing they got to do, but I guess it's true. They didn't just hit tourist spots, they went to an assembly at a Britishy school, grocery shopped at Aldi, chatted with the fishmonger at the market, and ate cheese and crackers while we watched Gavin and Stacey episodes.

Our next guests are Jimmy D's parents and 2 of his sisters in May, so our Guest Suite is available for bookings until then! Come get an authentic taste of life in the Britishy countryside. Our kids may run in to use your toilet at 6 am, but it's all part of the experience.

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Granny V and Grampa T freezing at Stonehenge

My motley crew at Leeds Castle

Stinker's not too sure about that goose... it has shifty eyes...

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Thanksgiving In The Motherland

If you happen to be having Thanksgiving in Britland, make friends with someone in the US Armed Forces so you can get a turkey. Either that or be willing to pay enough for it that you won't want to eat it, because it's too valuable. This is fair enough, I guess, since turkey dinner only seems to roll out for Christmas over here, but still. Cut a foreign girl some slack! Also, you can find tinned (canned) pumpkin at Waitrose.

We filled our house with our family, 2 other American families, the missionaries from our church, my parents, and 2 Britishy families. I have 2 Britishy friends who had called their spot for Thanksgiving back in July. I don't blame them, it's the best holiday ever. You think of all the things you are thankful for, eat a ton of food, sleep, eat more food, play games or veg on the couch, and eat pie. Really, what more could you want from a holiday? They loved it!

*******

Food! Glorious food!

Elder Morrison is wondering if we're going to make him sit at the kiddie table.

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I'll fill you in on Christmas next post. It won't be in April either, I promise!

Proper Classy

Say it like this: Prah-pa Clossy. Then you are.

In the spirit of good blogging, I am willing to tell stories that make me look like an idiot in order to entertain you all. You're welcome. This story is set in classy Cornwall.... (cue flashback wavy lines and harps...)

Phyllis and the Cream Tea

Whilst on holiday in Cornwall, I decided it was high time I sat down to a proper English Cream Tea. Finding a cafe advertising said tea, I went in. When I made it to the front of the queue, the cashier lady was down the counter at the till with the previous customer, so I waited patiently like a good British Folk should for her to return. A man behind the counter was in the middle of scooping ice-cream into a blender, when he suddenly looked up and said "You all right there?" That usually equates to "How are you?" or a similar greeting, but the way he said it was more demanding, like I was doing something weird that needed to be addressed. "Yep. Just waiting for my turn to order." "Well?" the man asks impatiently. I guess I was supposed to have assumed that he meant to multi-task by taking my order while he scooped and blended, even though he hadn't said anything or even looked up at me yet.

I ordered the boys some ice cream and a cream tea for myself. I pointed to a row of boxes of tea on display and asked if these were the flavors of tea I could choose from. (They were boxes there for purchase, like, buy the whole box, not these are the flavors we have today. I assumed they were the options I had, the question was more rhetorical.) He stared at me blank-faced for a second then said in a very slow and careful way, "The tea comes with scones, and jam and clotted cream to put on the scones." "Great...(?)" I said, nodding. Then he pointed to the boxes of tea and said, "Which kind of tea would you like? The kinds we have are just over there" (pointing to the boxes I had just asked about.) I refrained from rolling my eyes and shaking my head, picked some tea, and sat down.

I told Jimmy D about the tea man and how he was treating me like I was a very stupid person who didn't understand English. The tea man kept glancing over at me like I was a phenomenon beyond his comprehension. Not in a good way, either. I could understand that if I had actually done something stupid, but I hadn't, so I was kind of bugged. He brought over the tea and scones, and on the saucer was a tiny, light brown sugar cube. I hadn't seen a brown sugar cube before, but assumed it was something trendy or organic or whatnot, dropped it into my teacup, then poured my tea over it. The man, who had been watching me closely from behind the counter in a suspicious way, came over to me and said (loudly) "That's not sugar. That's fudge. I can bring you some sugar if you'd like."

Crap!!!! I wasn't supposed to give him a valid reason to assume I was just another stupid American tourist! Darn you pretentious tea man!!! Why couldn't you have just let me sip my fudgy tea in ignorant bliss! Sigh.

"Oh... well.... no thanks..." I said, fishing my fudge out of my teacup as the entire cafe looked on.

There you go. Proper Classy.

(Note the look of deep concentration on my face. I had to be sure not to do something else to further discredit myself, like spreading jam on my teacup or eating the cream with a spoon or anything.)

Cornucopia O' British-y Fun

Remember me? No? Well, my fault, I guess. I'll hopefully be a better bloggy-pal now since the boys are back in school (woo-hoooo!) but I was looking over another blog of mine and realizing I've made these empty promises before, so I won't fill this one full of well-intentioned lies, too. I have a lot to tell you, so instead of make a long post about one event and then make more empty promises to post about the rest, how about a Cornucopia O' Britishy Fun? Alright then.

*We went on a family vacation to Cornwall. It was rainy a lot and kind of chilly for the beach, but we expected that, so it was still buckets of fun. Buckets. On the beach just down the road from where we were staying they had a contest I've never seen before. No, no, before you even go there, everyone was fully clothed. Come back to me now... out of the gutter... there. They had about 30 numbered stakes in the sand along the shore. Groups of about 4-8-ish people each had around 45 minutes to build a giant sand pile by their stake, and then everyone from the group had to stand on top of it. Then you wait. And wait. Eventually the tide comes in, and if anyone from your sand mound gets wet, your group is out. Last ones standing win. It was about as exciting as it sounds.... "C'mon, Liam, dig faster!" "Go on, Gav, pat that sand down 'round the sides there!" "Here comes one! Oh! 'Bout got yer foot there, eh?" Really, though, it was a great example of Britishy competition. Americans would be too easily bored and give up after the first hour...or two... or three... but the Britishy Folks are amazingly patient and awesome and like their slow-paced fun times. Even when we gave up after a few hours, there were still about 10 groups standing and a whole crowd of eager sand...mound..standing..(?) fans there cheering them on. I love it.

About 2 hrs into the contest:

...and now about 3 hrs in...

*Another Cornwall highlight was Kynance Cove. It's like the Disneyland of beaches, and we had a blast. You have to hike down some cliffs to get there, and it's only there at low tide. Since the sand spends half the time underwater, it is perfect for sand castles. The tide leaves little kiddie-sized pools in the sand behind the big rocks, and the ocean-although freakin' freezin'- has good boogie-boarding waves. You can buy wet-suits, sand toys, and boogie boards in the beach shop, and the whole place is just amazingly beautiful. If you are in Cornwall, go there. Or else. (fist shaking)

*Moving on from our "holiday", Cap'n Jack (our 7-yr old) had a whole day of Culture-Training. (shaking head sadly.) He now is filled with such vital information as the fact that Britishy Folks like to talk about the weather, don't embrace change, and are often found waiting in queues. I don't know how he could have survived life here without that amazing 7 hour course. JimmyD had to do his business-y Culture Training at work, but we weaseled out of the whole Saturday they had scheduled for the entire family session. It would have been a great thing if they had bothered to do it before we moved here, or even within the first month... or two... or three of getting here. So the moral of the story? If they offer you culture training, get them to do it before you go or right after you arrive, or else just laugh at them and tell them you "couldn't be bothered" to do the course, thus showing your Britishy culture skills in your diss.

*The TV Licensing people are after us. We haven't gotten a license since we don't watch live TV, so they keep sending us threatening letters. We might have to get one, I don't really know. They have threatened a few times now to stop by and inspect our TV setup, and I really wish they would, so we would know once and for all if we really have to get the license. (Our TV is hooked up to a computer with all our TV shows, movies, and music on it. I don't know if we could get live TV on our setup.) On the plus side, it makes me feel all edgy and wild to be evading the TV police.

*Stinker has officially decided to refer to tomatoes as to-mah-toes. It was a long and well-thought out decision on his part, and he seems to be pleased with the course he has chosen. He also now refers to "having a turn" as "having a go". Like this: "Mom, can I have a go on the Wii now?"

*Here's a brief overview on shops (stores to us Americans):

-Boots sells beauty products and medicines, not... well... boots.

-Aldi has super-kick-butt-awesome prices on food. Go there.

-Go to the Market (market stalls, sometimes everyday, sometimes weekends, depending on where you live) for your butcher, cheese, and produce.

-Next has such cute little tiny girl clothes and shoes that it is dangerous, but in a good way.

-Marks and Spencers is pricey and posh, but has good quality and inexpensive school uniforms.

-Lush is... well... lush. Ahhh, the hippie-meets-valley-girl goodness of that bath and body store is heavenly.

-Sainsbury's has everything, like a Super Wal-Mart or Super-Target, but not at the same low prices. You can find deals on things like clothes or home supply stuff, but not really on food.

-Argos has what you need for your home and toys for the kids, and my kids can be entertained for hours looking through their ginormous catalogue. Once they are done looking at it you can use it as their booster-seat at the table.

Well, time to pretend to help as JimmyD gets the kids into bed. What? No, I mean... time to get them in bed. I hope the uber-random post I've just given you will fill the void I've left his last month or so, and I plan on doing smaller posts more often. Oh, I did it, there's a potentially empty promise. At least know, if it goes unfulfilled, that I have every intention of keeping it right now. Life (and amazingly slow internet connections) just get in the way sometimes. Until next time, may your oversized car fit into the tiny parking spaces of the Britishy world.

Scottish Top Ten

We took a roadtrip up to Edinburgh (you say it like this: Ehd-in-burrah) Scotland about a week ago. It took nearly 9 hours to get there, but someone without kids might be able to get there in 6 1/2 or 7 hours. Or, if you drive like my brother, 3 hours.

There was so much we fit into the three non-driving days of our vacation, I have decided to present it Top Ten List style for ya.

From the home office in... well, in a non-specified English village, it's

The Top 10 Reasons You Should Visit Scotland!!!

Presenting tonight's list... Old Man With Shaggy Eyebrows! (He has nothing to do with the trip, but has amazing eyebrows, so he got the job.)

Reason # 10: ...to check out the world's only Emo cows :

...and the cows do tricks:

Reason # 9.... Time-out facilities in every castle:

Reason # 8.... for 20 Quid they'll shoot yer kids out of a cannon:


Reason # 7.... Thoughtful hooligans clearly label their work:


Reason # 6... kids love it!

Reason # 5.... Scottish men ain't afraid to show a little leg:

Reason # 4.... Recreate scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail at Doune Castle, where it was filmed:

Reason # 3.... You promised you would take The Ring to Mordor:

Reason # 2... Look what he can do!

And the number one reason to visit Scotland.....

because these guys said to.

Corny, confusing, and politically incorrect, but there you have it. We visit Cornwall next week, so I'll have some blog-worthy tales to tell, I'm sure!

Ho-li-day (say it like in the Weezer song)

Let's go away! Let's go away! On a ho-li-day!

I'm done singing now.

The boys get their summer holiday soon, and since it only lasts about 6 weeks, we already set aside a week for a long "holiday", and a long weekend for a short one. Now we just have to decide where to go! We need some places that both the kids and adults will enjoy and that are relatively easy to travel to, whether by train, car, or cheap plane tickets.

I've been checking out some Rick Steves info on destinations, and asking around to see where other people have gone. Personally, I'm more of a chillin' vacation type. Not so much the crazy-whirlwind-see-it-all-theme-parkin'-all-week kind. Those kinds make me tired to even think about trying with kids. Here's some places we are interested in:

Southern England: Stonehenge, Bath, Leeds Castle

Northern England: nature and villages and stuff. Lots of walks and hiking and things. Maybe better in the spring/fall for a half-term vacation.

Scotland: Edinburgh, castles, kilts, the whole shabang.

Rome: I've already decided this one is a no-kids trip.

The Netherlands: Don't know too much about them, errr, it....? but people we know have been there and loved it. There is a theme park there I've heard is great... even if the pictures on the website look a bit creepy. Isn't that where there's a lot of windmills and maybe wooden shoes and whatnot? (Man, I'm just so cultured it hurts!)

Germany/Switzerland/Austria: My dad will want to go there when he visits, he served his mission for our church there... a long long time ago. Jimmy D's grampa is from Germany, so his parents will want to go there when they visit, too. So, not this summer then.

Spain: It sound cool, and JimmyD speaks Spanish.. Ooo, and flan. About all we have to say, but good enough for me.

There's probably more- I didn't even mention Paris... I'm kind of "meh" about going there.

So, there you have the greatest dilemma facing us right now. Where to "holiday" in Europe. Life's rough, isn't it? ; )