No Place Like Home....s

Hey! I'm gonna blog.

Lots of things have happened since I blogged last. Here's a one sentence synopsis: We moved to a new house, had visitors for a month, visited America, then another visitor.

To get the ol' bloggin ball a rollin again, I thought I'd do a Britland vs "The States" list. See, there were a lot of things we were looking forward to in America. Space, fountain drinks, space, food, space, oh, and friends and family... Once we got there, though, I was looking forward to some of the Britishy things I'd left behind. So here they are, all organizationally layed out for you and whatnot!

God Bless American...

* fountain drinks * road space * Mexican food * mountains *

smoke-free beaches with sunshine * boating * junk food * hot dogs

* campfires * Old Navy * friends & family * country music *

exchange-rate making everything on sale for us people who are paid in pounds *

campfires * lack of inhibition * Slurpees and SnoCones *

Reeses anything * stores that stay open past 5:00 pm * SUVs and pickups *

weaponry (pocketknives, bb guns, etc) *

Good Old Britishy...

* roundabouts * cheese * chocolate * Indian food * public transportation *

accents * politeness * wellies * rain on the conservatory roof *

markets * healthy eating * spunky old ladies * friends *

international holiday destinations * history * villages * London

* Caramel Digestives * teapots * Lush bath ballistics * footpaths * countryside *

Primark * double-decker busses * the kids saying Britishy phrases *

overall Britishy-ness *

It looked all cute and in different fonts and sizes, but then it all went away, because sometimes blogger hates me. Enjoy anyway!

Proper Classy

Say it like this: Prah-pa Clossy. Then you are.

In the spirit of good blogging, I am willing to tell stories that make me look like an idiot in order to entertain you all. You're welcome. This story is set in classy Cornwall.... (cue flashback wavy lines and harps...)

Phyllis and the Cream Tea

Whilst on holiday in Cornwall, I decided it was high time I sat down to a proper English Cream Tea. Finding a cafe advertising said tea, I went in. When I made it to the front of the queue, the cashier lady was down the counter at the till with the previous customer, so I waited patiently like a good British Folk should for her to return. A man behind the counter was in the middle of scooping ice-cream into a blender, when he suddenly looked up and said "You all right there?" That usually equates to "How are you?" or a similar greeting, but the way he said it was more demanding, like I was doing something weird that needed to be addressed. "Yep. Just waiting for my turn to order." "Well?" the man asks impatiently. I guess I was supposed to have assumed that he meant to multi-task by taking my order while he scooped and blended, even though he hadn't said anything or even looked up at me yet.

I ordered the boys some ice cream and a cream tea for myself. I pointed to a row of boxes of tea on display and asked if these were the flavors of tea I could choose from. (They were boxes there for purchase, like, buy the whole box, not these are the flavors we have today. I assumed they were the options I had, the question was more rhetorical.) He stared at me blank-faced for a second then said in a very slow and careful way, "The tea comes with scones, and jam and clotted cream to put on the scones." "Great...(?)" I said, nodding. Then he pointed to the boxes of tea and said, "Which kind of tea would you like? The kinds we have are just over there" (pointing to the boxes I had just asked about.) I refrained from rolling my eyes and shaking my head, picked some tea, and sat down.

I told Jimmy D about the tea man and how he was treating me like I was a very stupid person who didn't understand English. The tea man kept glancing over at me like I was a phenomenon beyond his comprehension. Not in a good way, either. I could understand that if I had actually done something stupid, but I hadn't, so I was kind of bugged. He brought over the tea and scones, and on the saucer was a tiny, light brown sugar cube. I hadn't seen a brown sugar cube before, but assumed it was something trendy or organic or whatnot, dropped it into my teacup, then poured my tea over it. The man, who had been watching me closely from behind the counter in a suspicious way, came over to me and said (loudly) "That's not sugar. That's fudge. I can bring you some sugar if you'd like."

Crap!!!! I wasn't supposed to give him a valid reason to assume I was just another stupid American tourist! Darn you pretentious tea man!!! Why couldn't you have just let me sip my fudgy tea in ignorant bliss! Sigh.

"Oh... well.... no thanks..." I said, fishing my fudge out of my teacup as the entire cafe looked on.

There you go. Proper Classy.

(Note the look of deep concentration on my face. I had to be sure not to do something else to further discredit myself, like spreading jam on my teacup or eating the cream with a spoon or anything.)

Cornucopia O' British-y Fun

Remember me? No? Well, my fault, I guess. I'll hopefully be a better bloggy-pal now since the boys are back in school (woo-hoooo!) but I was looking over another blog of mine and realizing I've made these empty promises before, so I won't fill this one full of well-intentioned lies, too. I have a lot to tell you, so instead of make a long post about one event and then make more empty promises to post about the rest, how about a Cornucopia O' Britishy Fun? Alright then.

*We went on a family vacation to Cornwall. It was rainy a lot and kind of chilly for the beach, but we expected that, so it was still buckets of fun. Buckets. On the beach just down the road from where we were staying they had a contest I've never seen before. No, no, before you even go there, everyone was fully clothed. Come back to me now... out of the gutter... there. They had about 30 numbered stakes in the sand along the shore. Groups of about 4-8-ish people each had around 45 minutes to build a giant sand pile by their stake, and then everyone from the group had to stand on top of it. Then you wait. And wait. Eventually the tide comes in, and if anyone from your sand mound gets wet, your group is out. Last ones standing win. It was about as exciting as it sounds.... "C'mon, Liam, dig faster!" "Go on, Gav, pat that sand down 'round the sides there!" "Here comes one! Oh! 'Bout got yer foot there, eh?" Really, though, it was a great example of Britishy competition. Americans would be too easily bored and give up after the first hour...or two... or three... but the Britishy Folks are amazingly patient and awesome and like their slow-paced fun times. Even when we gave up after a few hours, there were still about 10 groups standing and a whole crowd of eager sand...mound..standing..(?) fans there cheering them on. I love it.

About 2 hrs into the contest:

...and now about 3 hrs in...

*Another Cornwall highlight was Kynance Cove. It's like the Disneyland of beaches, and we had a blast. You have to hike down some cliffs to get there, and it's only there at low tide. Since the sand spends half the time underwater, it is perfect for sand castles. The tide leaves little kiddie-sized pools in the sand behind the big rocks, and the ocean-although freakin' freezin'- has good boogie-boarding waves. You can buy wet-suits, sand toys, and boogie boards in the beach shop, and the whole place is just amazingly beautiful. If you are in Cornwall, go there. Or else. (fist shaking)

*Moving on from our "holiday", Cap'n Jack (our 7-yr old) had a whole day of Culture-Training. (shaking head sadly.) He now is filled with such vital information as the fact that Britishy Folks like to talk about the weather, don't embrace change, and are often found waiting in queues. I don't know how he could have survived life here without that amazing 7 hour course. JimmyD had to do his business-y Culture Training at work, but we weaseled out of the whole Saturday they had scheduled for the entire family session. It would have been a great thing if they had bothered to do it before we moved here, or even within the first month... or two... or three of getting here. So the moral of the story? If they offer you culture training, get them to do it before you go or right after you arrive, or else just laugh at them and tell them you "couldn't be bothered" to do the course, thus showing your Britishy culture skills in your diss.

*The TV Licensing people are after us. We haven't gotten a license since we don't watch live TV, so they keep sending us threatening letters. We might have to get one, I don't really know. They have threatened a few times now to stop by and inspect our TV setup, and I really wish they would, so we would know once and for all if we really have to get the license. (Our TV is hooked up to a computer with all our TV shows, movies, and music on it. I don't know if we could get live TV on our setup.) On the plus side, it makes me feel all edgy and wild to be evading the TV police.

*Stinker has officially decided to refer to tomatoes as to-mah-toes. It was a long and well-thought out decision on his part, and he seems to be pleased with the course he has chosen. He also now refers to "having a turn" as "having a go". Like this: "Mom, can I have a go on the Wii now?"

*Here's a brief overview on shops (stores to us Americans):

-Boots sells beauty products and medicines, not... well... boots.

-Aldi has super-kick-butt-awesome prices on food. Go there.

-Go to the Market (market stalls, sometimes everyday, sometimes weekends, depending on where you live) for your butcher, cheese, and produce.

-Next has such cute little tiny girl clothes and shoes that it is dangerous, but in a good way.

-Marks and Spencers is pricey and posh, but has good quality and inexpensive school uniforms.

-Lush is... well... lush. Ahhh, the hippie-meets-valley-girl goodness of that bath and body store is heavenly.

-Sainsbury's has everything, like a Super Wal-Mart or Super-Target, but not at the same low prices. You can find deals on things like clothes or home supply stuff, but not really on food.

-Argos has what you need for your home and toys for the kids, and my kids can be entertained for hours looking through their ginormous catalogue. Once they are done looking at it you can use it as their booster-seat at the table.

Well, time to pretend to help as JimmyD gets the kids into bed. What? No, I mean... time to get them in bed. I hope the uber-random post I've just given you will fill the void I've left his last month or so, and I plan on doing smaller posts more often. Oh, I did it, there's a potentially empty promise. At least know, if it goes unfulfilled, that I have every intention of keeping it right now. Life (and amazingly slow internet connections) just get in the way sometimes. Until next time, may your oversized car fit into the tiny parking spaces of the Britishy world.

Settled In

I've been thinking a lot lately about what seems normal, what seems weird, what is still cool, and what I'm used to about being all Britishy. (Did you follow that? No? It's cool- read on.) We've lived here about 3 months now- and we've had our stuff for a little over half that time. We are now... officially... settled!

For the first month or so after arrival, people's favorite question was "Are you settling in alright?" The answer then was "No, because I'm sleeping on the floor and cooking with less stuff than you take camping." It took a while, even after getting our belongings... and unpacking and assembling all the Ikea furniture... to feel settled. I guess for all you future expats, here's what we found needed to happen (besides having our stuff) before we felt settled:

- Getting financial things set up.
This meant bank account here, transferring money home, reimbursements for our moving expenses all sorted out, setting up bill-pay for utilities, (well, first figuring out what utilities there were to set up), getting checks, figuring out how to write them, getting our debit cards, figuring out how to use them, etc. There are a million of things like that to get all set up and arranged. Even getting used to the new appearance of cash takes a while before it feels natural.

-Getting the kids in school and a routine.
This involved researching and visiting local schools, applying to the county school board, waiting, waiting more, meeting new teachers, getting uniforms figured out, and getting Stinker used to even attending school at all. He was only in pre-school at home three mornings a week, and here he's all-day real school. He did pretty well. Even after getting all the official things figured out, there are still new habits to form- where to leave backpacks and homework so we can find them, when to do homework, what to do in the morning vs. in the night to get ready.... all those things. We figured them all out just in time for school to let out for the summer.

-Meeting people.
No matter how outgoing and friendly you are, you can only remember so many names and info about people in the first few weeks. Some people can remember all that easily, but for me it took three... or four... or more times of hearing or asking some names before I really knew them. You need to know people's sense of humor, attitudes, etc. before you can really feel comfortable chatting with them. Even if you put forth a huge effort, you just have to hang around people for a while before you feel like they are not a new person to you. And then you have to hope that they aren't scared off by your vast amounts of crazy. Maybe that's just me, though... ; ) I was also busy worrying about the kids... and JimmyD... hoping they were getting to know people, too.

- Feeling like everyday things are familiar.
Roads, stores, pubs(restaurants), what food is at the grocery store, how your appliances work.... Whenever you move to a new place there are a few things that you have to get used to. In a new country, it sometimes seems like everything is just different enough to throw you off. Road signs are different, shopping carts are different (they move sideways like at Ikea and you have to pay to unchain them! You get your money back when you return it.) how and where you go out to eat are different. I can go to the store now without having to really concentrate. I swear I'm not a blonde. It's harder than you'd think!

-Language.
Now, I know that in England they speak the same language as we do in America, but they really don't. I felt extremely handicapped when I tried to speak. It's not just that some words are different- the phrasing is different, too. Then there are the times when a word or phrase that I know, but just don't usually use, is what's normal here. Confused? Here, I'll show you. An American would say "Just park by the curb while I run into the store real quick for some milk." Or at least a Rednecked American. A Britishy person might say, "If you'll just wait by the kerb to stop us getting towed, I'll pop into the shop for some milk." This is actually kind of a fun game. Let's try another one. Hmmm.... A Rednecked American out to eat with a kid throwing a tantrum would say, "Kid, if you don't knock it off right now you'll be sittin' in the truck while we eat." A Britishy person out to eat wouldn't have a child throwing a tantrum, but if they did, they might say "Thomas, let's not have a strop in the middle of the pub. I shouldn't like to have to put you in the Mini whist the rest of us all sit comfortably indoors to eat our supper. There's a good lad." The point of all this was: it takes a while before you feel like you can talk without sounding like an idiot. Then there's the whole accent thing. It threw me at first, but now I kind of forget that people have an accent. I forget that I'm the one with the accent, I guess. I'm always a little surprised when people on the phone know who I am before I say my name, but then I remember that I have a crazy American accent giving me away.

Things now are just about right. I don't feel so out of place that I have to figure out everything I do or say all day long. I do still notice the differences enough to feel like I'm on an adventure. Jimmy D and I still say to each other, "Hey- guess what? We live in England. Weird!"


PS- We dicided to take a long weekend holiday to Edinburgh, Scotland and a week holiday to Cornwall here in England. We'll fill you in on those as they happen.

Signs That Make Us Giggle

There are a lot of things that make us do a double take, some that make us giggle, and some that are just plain wrong. English is certainly not the same. Here are some of our favorites...

Old people. They are everyone's problem..... when they are in the road

hehehe... still a teenager at heart. Some parts of town are not family friendly?

After seeing this sign I kept watching for the "No Proctologists allowed" sign.

What ever happened to equal opportunity parking?

This store is all over in London. It stands for French Connection UK. No matter how many times we see it, it still is just wrong.

As we collect more photos we will follow up with "Signs That Make Us Giggle" part 2.

Cheers!

The Super-Kick-Butt-Awesome, Very Good (British) Day

This post can be the yin to the last post's yang. (?) We had a great weekend, and so we thought we'd post about that and a few more of our good times. Our "brilliant" times.

A week-ish ago we thought we'd give the boys a break from all the errands and boringness, and went to a carnival. Or, here in Britland, a "Fun Fayre". There's that "y" again, jumping on in to all sorts of words. Here's a pic or two. Cap'n Jack's favorite was the bumper cars, or "dodge'ms", I think they called them, and Stinker liked the trampoline-bungee cord fun.

This weekend we went into London. There were some more car-related detours along the way, but they went much better than the last ones. We drove Jimmy D's car to the dealership to pick up my car. Then we left both cars there, making extra sure that they would not be sold or locked behind a gate when we returned, and took a double decker bus (!!!) to the train station. Except... we needed to be at the underground station instead. So, back onto another double decker for a 30 minute ride through town to the tube station. I was a little worried the kids would be frustrated at the long ride, but I guess riding on a double decker bus never gets old. I had fun people watching. I love the variety of people you find here. The closer you get to London, the more languages and accents you hear everywhere. I love how no matter where a person comes from, we're all really the same. This seems to be especially true about parents with their kids. You can see a woman in a hijab (the head scarves Arabic women wear) telling her toddler they aren't going to buy the candy today, a dad speaking Chinese (maybe) putting his baby's hat on his own head to get him to smile, or someone with a French accent picking up his kid's socks and shoes after the kid had bolted to the sandbox. Also interesting: there are British rednecks, and we found British oh-no-you-didn't z-snappin' ladies at McDonalds.

Back to our trip- we saw Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, and Buckingham Palace. One tower we passed was almost 1000 years old, and had a moat. It was the tower where some king stored his jewels and stuff. Yeah, aren't we educated? Who cares- it had a real moat!! We also wandered through some great parks along the way. The British Folks are serious about their "green spaces". We had promised Stinker a Happy Meal, so we trekked halfway across London to get to a very crowded McDonalds. I told him to enjoy it, because McDonalds really isn't worth that kind of trek. Or, in my opinion, any trek. When it was all over, I asked the boys what their favorite part of the day was. They both said riding the double decker bus and the tube. Here are some pictures from that day's adventure:

At a tube station, Cap'n Jack pulled out his camera to take a picture of two Bobbies. They were very nice and let the boys wear their hats for a picture, too.

Eating overpriced ice-cream cones at Westminster Abbey.

This poor guard's hat tipped over his eye during some marching, and he can't move to fix it! I kind of feel sorry for him, but mostly just enjoy mocking him.

Buckingham Palace, as seen from (maybe?) St. James Park.

Well, there you have it. Half-term holiday (I feel so Britishy saying that!) is next week, so we plan on having more fun trips to fill the gaping hole left from no school. I am also adding Jimmy D as an author to the blog, so be sure to watch for his posts. I'll try to change my blogger account name to Phyllis so you know who is posting. Right now it's Peanut Gallery, so if you see that, it's me- Phyllis. (And Phyllis is really me.)

Ups and Downs...and repeat

So, SOMEONE left my laptop on the plane...coughJimmyDcough...so I keep having things happen that are blog-worthy, but no computer to blog with. So, here's the overview, and I'll possibly...or not... get more details in if and when I ever have a computer again.


The days here so far have been rollercoasterific. Just the last few days alone have been...well, I have no words. That tells you something.

Here's the highlights for ya:


* Our air shipment had been delayed a few days, but finally arrived today. Our sea shipment, however, will most likely not arrive to our house until (maybe) the first week of June- not next Monday like we had been originally told. So on the upside: I had a wonderful time unpacking the dishes I sent. It was like Christmas. I have never loved a 9 x 13 pan or a pot more. Sigh. However on the downside: if I had known our air shipment would need to hold us for a month and not a week, I might have packed more wisely. Back to the upside: if they are giving us a date of arrival at all, I have to hope that means our sea shipment is not on the ocean floor...yet.

* Our house is amazing, and I love it. However... it probably has an oil leak. It has reeked of a garage since we moved in, but we were told that it was because of a new boiler being installed and would fade as we used the heating. It hasn't faded. Today when the movers came, one of them kept saying "Wot is 'at 'orrible smell in 'ere?" "I fink it's a gas leak, it is. It's poison! Gonna make yer li-ul ones sick! "Ave the children play in the garden and call the lan'lohd!" He even made the postman "pop in and smell the 'ouse!" The postman agreed- there was a poisonous leaky smell of some kind. We did call the management company about it- the oil...boiler...guy is supposed to check it out tomorrow morning. If we wake up.....


I'm tired, so I'll give you more tomorrow. (It's late here, it's not the poisonous gasses making me tired. Maybe.) There are still a bunch of ups every day to outweigh the downs though. Here are a few of my favo(u)rites and a picture or two to end the post.

*Wandering with our little family through the footpaths into the forest.
*Making Indian food for dinner...and it was cheap and easy! Out of a jar! Wooo!
*The fields of rabbits. It's like a cartoon in some places.
*Going to the church Market Fayre up the road.
*Seeing the letter "Y" in unexpected words, like "fayre" and "tyre".
*My donut friend at the Market in town.
*All the roundabouts. Efficient and awesome.
* Hearing the boys pick up new words and phrases, like "lorry", "squash", and "biscuit".
*Looking out my window and saying "Holy crap, I'm in England!"
*All the green outside.
*The old houses on the road in our village.
*The radio station playing...well...not Miley Cyrus, for one.
*All the new things mixed into everyday life.
*Wandering through golden fields, as pictured below: (Don't worry, we didn't really wander through, just walked carefully a few feet in for a picture.)

Language barrier

I went downstairs to see if Jimmy D was ready for bed, and he is busy trying to hack our new GPS. That reminded me of how the Britishy Folks call their GPS a "SatNav". So, while Jimmy D continues trying to beat the system, I'll make a post about how to speak British...y. I'll put a link to this post over there --------> on the sidebar where you can check out any updates as I learn or remember new translations for you. These will be ones we actually hear people use, not ones we found online and assume are really used. American will be first, listed in RED. Britishy will be second, listed in BLUE. I'll also list times when a synonym of a word we use is more commonly used over in British-land.

• GPS is a SatNav. Example: I turned into the river because my SatNav told me to.
• odds and ends are bits and bobs. Example: You have storage here for all your bits and bobs.
• a closet is a fitted wardrobe. Example: You are very lucky indeed to have a home with fitted wardrobes, aren't you!
• hard is replaced with difficult. Example: It is difficult to not get hit by a bus at a double roundabout.
• restroom is replaced with toilet. Example: Excuse me, where might I find the ladies' toilets?
• Take-out is called takeaway. Example: I'll have that toastie for takeaway, please. *Note- if you order your food at a restaurant to eat-in, you are charged VAT (value-added tax). You are not charged this if you order your food for takeaway.
• A hot or grilled sandwich is a toastie. Example: I would like a refund- I've found a hair in my toastie.
• Elementary school (ages 4-11) is called primary school. Example: My child couldn't get a spot in that oversubscribed primary school.
• Keds-type-shoes are plimsolls. Example: Might I have these pirate plimsolls, Mum?
• A line is a queue. Example: I waited in the queue for hours before it was my turn for the toilets.
• An underground parking garage or parking lot is called a car park. Example: our people carrier nicked some mirrors in the car park.
• A minivan is called a people carrier. Example: I look super-cool driving down the road in my people carrier.
• Stopping by is called popping in, or pop on over, etc. Example: If you'll just pop back in later, we can give you some forms to fill out.
• The ER (Emergency Room) is called the A & E (Accident and Emergency). Example: If you should happen to lose an appendage of some kind, just pop on over to the A & E and they'll see to it.
• A vacation is called a holiday. Example: What are we going to do to fill the time during half-term holiday?!
• Asking your name is replaced with asking what you are called. Example: What is your younger boy called? No, not the one with the pirate hat, the one with the ketchup moustache.
• Miracle Whip is salad cream. Example: With its tangy zip and a third less fat than mayonaise, a sandwich isn't a sandwich without Salad Cream.

I can't for the life of me get the colors to work today, so just know American words listed first, followed by Britishy translations.

• Cell Phone is Mobile (say it Mow-bile). Example: Could you text me on my new mobile number the name of the shop where you discovered they sell Miracle Whip?
• Pants are trousers. Very important distinction, just ask my kids. Example: Those are exceptionally tight trousers you're wearing! No... they don't make you look any less manly...
• Underwear is Pants for Boys, Knickers for girls. (Do you see why the above word replacement is important? It could get awkward if you said "pants" instead of "trousers in the above example, eh?) Example: Mum, I haven't got any clean pants to wear, and no, I won't just turn these inside out, I've got P.E. today!!!
• Jar is Pot. Sometimes. Example: My daughter has eaten about half the pot of Calamine Cream.
• Truck is Lorry. Example: Getting stuck behind a lorry in the construction on the M 25 is rotten.